With the dreaded swim suit season approaching, I can’t help but reminisce about my body pre-children. I was in the gym every day. I ate right. I didn’t drink coffee and rarely consumed alcohol. I was in great shape. I exuded confidence because I felt sexy. I strutted around in a tiny bikini at the beach without worrying about what anyone else was thinking.
These days the only gym I attend is the jungle-gym. I sometimes forget to eat a real lunch grabbing chocolate or cookies instead. I drink at least half a pot of coffee daily in a futile attempt to keep up with toddlers, and I unwind with wine in the evening because of said toddlers. I’m not in horrible shape after having three children, but I’m also not in the shape I’d like to be in. I don’t look like I used to. I no longer exude confidence because I’m no longer confident. I don’t feel sexy, and I absolutely refuse to wear anything other than a tankini with a sarong or bathing suit cover at the beach or pool. I’m constantly worrying about how other mothers perceive my appearance, and I compare myself to them without even realizing it.
I don’t know how I became this insecure woman. Is it the stretch marks? Probably. Is it the extra “baby weight”? Most likely. I used to be so confident and carefree. Now I dodge mirrors and flake on shopping trips. I hate to look at myself after a shower. Obviously, my husband is unaffected by the changes in my body, but he also doesn’t notice when I do something different with my hair.